what needs changing…

I’ve written about this before, but this is what was in my brain and on my heart this morning… The amazing Maya Angelou said “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” Every day is an opportunity – a new beginning. Go out and give it your best and if you fail, that’s okay because you tried. Sometimes it’s really hard to remember, but if you don’t try, that’s an automatic failure; no question – you’re out of the game. But if you try, there’s always a chance (even though it may seem remote) that you’ll be successful. That’s got to be a better feeling than sitting, wishing, and wondering. I’ve found that some of the best (and hardest) lessons in life have come from failing; from falling short of what I originally set my sights on. Don’t let a failure stop you from trying again. In fact, when you think about it, what is first considered a “failure” can be turned into a “success” – it all depends on what is learned and what is done with those lessons. I was recently on an interview team. In answering one of our questions, an applicant told us of a very negative and distressing situation that he had been involved in. When he finished describing the situation, he then told us what he had learned from it, what he now does differently because of that “lesson”, and how it shapes the way he does business today. Success doesn’t always come from “succeeding” but in learning, growing, and moving forward. We were impressed.

Even though the character Sue Sylvester in Glee oftentimes goes way over the edge in handling situations, she says things that cause me to ponder… like this little ditty from season one…

“It’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place, but let me tell you something, there’s not really much difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and a crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.”

rewrite the next chapter…

easier said than done... but it CAN be done...

“Someday everything will all make perfect sense.” That’s the only part of this cute little quote that I don’t agree with. I believe that I may NEVER understand WHY certain things happen – I see my little piece of the puzzle, but I may never know why or how my piece of the puzzle fits into that big picture called Life – and that’s okay as long as I’m doing the best I can do and being the best I can be. I do believe that if I “laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason”and whether I know that ‘reason’ or not, my journey through life will be a lot more enjoyable. I don’t mean being blindly happy and accepting no matter what, but I do think that if I “make the best out of  every situation” I will be able to see possibilities that I would NEVER be able to see if I approach life with a “woe is me” or “life is out to get me” kind of attitude. The old saying “make Lemonade out of lemons” has been around for a long time for good reason!

I think we have all consciously or subconsciously “written” a “story” or book in our heads of how we want our life to turn out – our own personal autobiography complete with a happy ending. When “chapters” don’t go the way we had originally “written” or wished, then all we can do is let go of those chapters and do a rewrite of the next few chapters of the  story. Sometimes we need to make major changes and do a complete rewrite, and if that’s the case then that’s what we need to do – it may not be the original story we wanted or planned, but there’s a possibility it may be a better one.

As I write this, I’m thinking about choices. What is really scary for me to think about is that every choice I make is like a crossroad – the direction I choose or choice I make may very well impact the rest of my life.  If I take this job and end up living in a different city who will I meet and what challenges will I face? If I attend this church who will I meet in Sunday School that may impact my way of thinking? Even small choices I may make, like not paying attention while driving, could have MAJOR consequences on my life and the lives of those around me. The stories and chapters of my life are constantly changing based on the choices I make. Yes, sometimes things happen that I have no control over – BUT if I am completely honest with myself, I KNOW that most of what happens in my life, both good AND bad, is a direct result of the choices I’ve made.

One of the great things about being human is that we can remember going through dark times in our lives – times when we honestly didn’t want to go on; when we thought there was no positive way out – But lo and behold, we DID make it through – and not only did we MAKE it through, we came through stronger, smarter, and more confident. A lump of coal turns into a diamond when it gets pushed out of it’s comfort zone and goes through A LOT of heat and stress.  If that coal stayed in it’s comfort zone, if it never went through stress, if the heat wasn’t applied – it would have just stayed a lump of coal and it would never become the diamond it was intended to be…

there’s a reason quotes are quoted…

okay, I just read over this one and boy is it rambling… I’d start thinking of one thought and it would run into another thought without me even noticing… and these are just my thoughts – I’m not trying to tell anyone what to do — I think it’s mostly me reminding myself… but anyway…

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle” This quote, or something very similar, has been attributed to many people, including Plato, but for some reason, when I saw it today I thought “WOW”. On the surface, the person we think has it all together may, in reality, be hanging on to sanity by a thread. We can be our own worst enemy. We get caught up in every day life; we become petty and jealous of what we think others have (and consequently, what we think we don’t have.) One of the problems with this is, like the quote says, EVERYONE is fighting a battle. We only know what a person has allowed us to know. We very seldom know what is truly going on in the lives of those around us. For the people we are closest to us, we MAY know about the big things in their lives, but even then, we can’t possibly know all the struggles they are facing. And then there are those people we meet only briefly – the waitress or the person behind the cash register – we can’t forget these people are fighting battles too. You would think the few minutes we spend with these people wouldn’t count, but it might. We must choose to be kind during these brief encounters – their private battles might be something huge thing like the loss of a loved one or a terminal illness; or it could be smaller stress like financial troubles or potential job loss. OR it could be something even smaller – something as simple as an unkind comment made earlier in the day on top of other stress – you know, the straw that breaks the camel’s back. The bottom line is we have a small bit of time with many people – we should look at these brief bits of time as gifts and use them as opportunities to be kind and maybe ease someone else’s burden – at the very least, not add to it. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. And remember, WORDS MATTER! Kind words have the ability to build up and heal; harsh or mean words can strike someone down as quickly and thoroughly as a bullet.

In a roundabout way, this has made me think of another favorite quote – Although Oprah has said it too, I think it’s from Maya Angelou, “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”We sometimes give a person the benefit of the doubt – over and over and over again – thinking, wishing, HOPING that THIS time, maybe things will be different, that maybe this person won’t disappoint us once again. The truth is people are who they are – they can pretend to be different, say the right things, and put on a fancy show, but underneath it all, true character ends up coming through. No, I don’t think this gives your permission to be unkind (see previous quote…) but there are certain people who only keep us down. When people are thrown into difficult situations, the person with character stands up and goes above and beyond what is expected – without being asked, without being coerced. A person with character thinks BEYOND how something affects them – they not only remember there are other people affected by situations and actions, but they try to lessen that impact on the people they care about. I believe fully in the gift of discernment. You can call it what you want – intuition, gut feelings, ominous feelings, whatever – but it is real. I think we can train ourselves to be more attuned to what’s going on around us – and as we do, we find these gut feelings are seldom wrong… sometimes it’s something as simple as a gesture, maybe a sadness (or coldness) in someone’s eyes, a flash of emotion before it’s hidden (be it anger, boredom, whatever), or sometimes it’s just that gut feeling that says, “yeah, right”, a sense that things are not what they seem. I believe that when you get these intuitions, these gut feelings, you need to listen to them and believe them.

And ANOTHER Maya Angelou quote “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude” Every day is an opportunity – a new beginning. Go out and give it your best and if you fail, that’s okay because you tried. Remember if you don’t try, that’s an automatic failure; no question-you’re out of the game. But if you try, there’s always a chance (even though it may seem remote) that you’ll be successful. That’s got to be a better feeling than sitting, wishing, and wondering. I’ve found that some of the best (and hardest) lessons in life have come from failing; from falling short of what I originally set my sights on. Don’t let a failure stop you from trying again. In fact, when you think about it, what is first considered a “failure” can be turned into a “success” – it all depends on what is learned and what is done with those lessons. This past week I was on an interview team. In answering one of our questions, an applicant told us of a very negative and distressing situation that he had been involved in. When he finished describing the situation, he then told us what he had learned from it, what he now does differently because of that “lesson”, and how it shapes the way he does business today. Success doesn’t always come from “succeeding” but in learning and moving forward. We were impressed.

As I’m writing this, I’m watching Glee, Season 1 and Sue Sylvester impressed me again with this one:

“It’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down, tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place, but let me tell you something, there’s not really much difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and a crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will.”

Man, did that one fit right in to my train of thought or what?..

“They remember me as this shy girl, but they obviously didn’t know what was going on in my head” So, here is a girl and no one knows how incredible she is. The girl who played Rory in one of my all time favorite shows, The Gilmore Girls, said “I’m still a shy person. I’ve learned to put that aside on certain occasions. I have to. It’s part of my job” So, it’s easier said than done, but it CAN be done… when you feel timid or shy, shake it off and replace those feelings with an attitude of going all out, trying your hardest, giving it your all. Worrying about the “what ifs” isn’t going to get you any closer to whatever your goal is. And speaking of goals, you don’t have to have it all figured out today – it’s okay to not know what you want; sometimes just continuing on your own personal journey is enough. Planning is smart; planning can keep you focused on your goal if you have one, but what may have seemed like the “perfect plan” a few years ago, may not be so “perfect” on the path you’re taking today. Don’t dismiss something because it doesn’t fit in your “plan.” Be fluid, be flexible, be open, be amazing, be fabulous!

And while I truly believe we should be humble as human beings, I also believe that we need to celebrate our successes. A friend recently said to me, “You should be your own biggest fan. No one is going to want to toot your horn if you aren’t willing to toot it yourself.” This is tough one for me to get my brain around – and I’m still mulling this statement over; trying to make it palatable. How well defined is the line between self-confidence and arrogance? Between celebrating success and bragging? When is it okay to stop “being humble” and start “tooting your own horn”? Questions I won’t be able to answer today, if ever…

A few more things I believe – I know (though I don’t practice it as I should) that when we live unselfishly we realize how much we really have. Our purpose should be to be the best individuals we can be while we’re on this journey and to help others along the way. I believe we should be true to our word – it’s really all we have. In other words, when you say you’re going to do something, DO IT; no excuses (within reason of course – but not completing a promised task should be the exception, not the rule). I believe that we should take care of the things that aren’t so fun before moving on to the things that are. That makes the fun things something to look forward to and even more fun when it’s finally time to take care of them. I believe we should be kind to the people we meet on our journey – not just those who can do something for us or benefit us. I believe we should follow our hearts, take care of ourselves, be true to our friends and family, and never ever deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have.